A ranger at Yosemite National Park for 23 years, Shelton Johnson has a vivid, distinctive way with language – not a surprise given his training and experience as a writer and performer. During my time around him, I started a list of what I started calling “Sheltonisms”; even he joined in, uttering something to an audience, then calling to me, “Write that down.” Here’s the best of that collection:
Listen to Shelton Johnson
“The most interesting people to talk to in the unemployment line are English majors.”
“It takes a village to raise an idiot.”
“The government needs applause.”
“I have to give a full and thorough answer to every question because I’m a federal employee.”
“I would like to have a flute from every culture on earth. That’s my goal. It’s a very disturbing goal for my wife.”
“If you run away playing the flute, people will follow you.”
“(Awahneechee culture) is a way of looking at yourself through different eyes.”
“Three months in Africa is like three years in Italy — especially if you’re in Florence.”
“(Wildlife that habituate to humans are suffering) death on the installment plan.”
“Rock is never the same. It’s always changing because of pressure. I’d have a severe personality crisis if I were a rock.”
“Granite is a story written by the sky.”
Click Here for Shelton Johnson and the Buffalo Soldiers: ‘Spokesperson for the Dead’